This may be an odd post for a Montessori teacher to make, but I love metaphors, so I hope this works for you.
I was sitting on the sofa, editing school photos on my laptop. I was watching an infomercial by a horse trainer. (Yes, I was.) It was a kind of “Horse Whisperer” thing. The question was : “How do I get my horse into a trailer?” The words that jumped out at me were : “Keep their feet moving.” Okay, you are not going to learn about how to get your horse onto a trailer in this post. This is about young children, like the ones I work with. And maybe about older children and adults, and me.
When children are struggling: sad, afraid, anxious, angry, defiant: “stuck”, there is often little we, at school, can do, but to “keep their feet moving.”
We often cannot solve whatever the child’s issue is. We often do not know what it is. They often do not know what it is. We can offer some support (hug, lap, read a book, sing a song…), but, often, this is rejected.
When this is true, the kindest thing I know to do it to “keep their feet moving.” That may mean that we gently take them by the hand and lead them away (from something) or toward (something or someone). We often lead children toward a group of children who are calm and engaged. This is something to observe and absorb.
Maybe this will show them that this is not such an awful place, or that there may be other ways to react, or other things to do, or try, or think about. It may distract them long enough to shift their perspective. It might interest, even fascinate them.
I don’t know what it may do, but I know that we all need to learn some strategies around what to do when we are “stuck”, and who and what might help.
I know that I want all children to know that they can move through hard things, and that there are many ways to do this.
I want children to know that they are not dependent on adults, or anyone to “make them feel better.”
I do not mean that we are not allowing children to feel what they feel, or that they should be distracted from their feelings. But I do know that shifting gears can be hard, for all of us, and sometimes a change of scene (outside!!!!) or company, or perspective, may help.
A teacher at school was describing helping a child who was having a morning cry when her mother left. After a bit, she offered her own support (hug, lap). When that was not helpful, it was time to move: “I have not done all of my morning jobs, I need your help!” Leading child to help with setting up dishes, getting ready for snack, doing some of the things that need to be done. The child became calm, engaged, focused, interested, and felt useful and competent. Perhaps, if you can cope with small things (dishes) you can cope with larger things (feelings)?
So, if all else fails, we can “keep their feet moving”, and do this for ourselves as well.