A new twist on natural consequences…

N11Aa“My sons are 24 and 27 and that is definitely the way I disciplined them…there are lots of opportunities for them to learn their own consequences…I used to make them “watch” the clock and tell Mummy when it was time to drive them to school, got them to tell Mummy when it was time to do the laundry because the basket was full – all this seemed to make them more aware and share the responsibility of being a family.” (Oh2bhuman, on http://happinessishereblog.com/2015/02/punishment-vs-natural-consequences/#comment-8539)

I love this so much. Of course, don’t start abruptly and throw yourself under a bus (“tell Mummy when she needs to send the mortgage payment.”)

Another poster asked: “What do you do when one gets ready, and the other doesn’t?” Well, we have Jane Nelson of Positive Discipline (http://smile.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Jane-Nelsen-Ed-D/dp/0345487672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1424184172&sr=8-1&keywords=jane+nelson) (based on Adler and Dreikurs) who says: “put them in the same boat.”* (Hence the graphic. I’m sure they should be wearing life preservers, but it is a metaphor.:)

This goes along with what my newest hero, Brene Brown says (I am paraphrasing); that siblings know each other’s biggest weaknesses, so that they must be taught that they are always on the same team: no teasing and no shaming. Ever. (We all know that the biggest shaming comes in families.:(

So, to avoid having rivalry (“Look how quickly Poirot got ready!”), they are in the same boat, as the whole family is in the same boat. Let’s all row together, toward community goals (so to speak.)

These are lessons that will serve children for their whole lives

* This is part of the “4Bs of sibling rivalry” from Jane Nelson’s work: “beat it” (don’t be an audience for it), “boot em out” (get them out of your space, like, outside), “bear it” (as in, ignore), or put them “in the same boat”. (One way to use this is: “it is not safe for me to drive while you are fighting; I will pull over and (knit, read my book, sing with my cd, play on my phone) until you both tell me that you are done.” This is really boring. If you can try one or more of these, you may find that this is all for your “benefit” or that, without someone’s attention to compete for, there is no fun in fighting.